Kamdyn 3 Months

Kamdyn was 3 months old the day after Valentines. He is such a chunky monkey!! I love it! He is such a fun and sweet baby. He is cooing like crazy and trying to tell us all sorts of stories. He is so close to rolling over. He is also so close to laughing. It is SO cute! I took Kamdyn to the doctor around the 3 month mark and with clothes on he weighed 15 pounds 5 ounces. He has been in 3-6 month old clothes since he was 2 months old and he is so close to growing into 6-9 months clothes. Told you he is a chunk! Kamdyn is already a big mommys boy. He smiles the most for me and when he is really upset only his mommy can comfort him. Its funny how it worked out with our kids. The boys are both big mommys boys yet Maddie is the biggest daddys girl ever. We are so lucky to have Kamdyn a part of our family. Im so excited to see his personality really pop out the next few months because so far its so dang cute!

Nothing better the cuddling with a sleeping baby!

Having a staring contest with Tigger

Toasty warm

Watching a movie on daddys ipod with him

He HATES when I take him out of the bath. He loves being in the warm water

Naked rollie pollie baby :-)

Valentines Day

Valentines Day this year was a good one. The kids really got into it and thought it was so fun. they loved putting their Valentines together for their class party. I got them in their Valentines clothes and off to school we went. They got lots of fun Valentines and treats from their class. After their party I dropped them off at Hamma and Hampas (Kamrins parents) house so they could spent some quality time with them. My kids looked forward to this for weeks and would ask everyday if it was Valentines so they could go on their date with Hamma and Hampa :-) After dropping the kids off I spent most of the day with my friend. It is really weird only having 1 kid around! Its so easy :-) When I got home Kamrin and the kids were waiting for me and the kids had a surprise for Kamrin and I. Hamma and Hampa took them to buy us both a caramel apple with a balloon tied to it! Even better they made us Valentines!! Made my day for sure! They were so excited to show me them. I just love them so much. After the kids went to bed Kamrin and I watched Step Up 3. We hadnt seen it yet and we both really love the Step Up movies. The dancing is truly amazing. Using with sequels they just arent as good as the original but Kamrin and I both think with these movies they just keep getting better!! Im the kind of girl who doesnt need to be taken to an expensive restaurant and in fact I rather not go out on Valentines because everyone else does and waiting hours to eat just seems silly to me so we always make it special in our own way at home and go out to celebrate another day. I like it so much better that way! Nothing better to me then my husband making dinner and being home with my cute family and spending quality time with my husband when the kids go to bed. What more could this girl want???

Call me crazy but Im actually not a big fan of Valentines. I guess you could call me the Valentines Scrooge or Grinch. Even though its an annoying holiday to me I still get into it for my kids and husband. I think its silly because I dont need a holiday to tell me to show and tell my loved ones how much a really love them. I can and do, do that everyday. The only thing I like about it is watching my kids get so excited so I will never tell them what I really think of Valentines. My mom always did such fun and cute things for us growing up on every holiday which I loved so I do the same with my kids. They get their Valentines outfits, candy and presents.

Im not a Grinch when it comes to love just the so called holiday for it. Love is actually very important to me. It so important for me to show the ones I love that every single day. When I got up in Sacrament when Kamdyn was blessed I even spoke on love. True unconditional love. I love MANY MANY people and have a very deep love for them but the kind of love you feel when you have a child is like no other. In my testimony I shared that when I was pregnant with Maddie I worried that I couldnt possibly love anyone else like I loved Jaydan. So wrong! It just comes natural with each child you have. I never knew this kind of love existed. Its the most amazing feeling in the world. I love each of my kids with all my heart and I know its a true unconditional love. I know there will be times I dont agree or dont like the decisions they make in their lives but I do know for a fact that will never change my love for them.

On facebook a couple of my friend out that they were going to write one thing a day about why they loved their husbands. I liked the idea and joined in (See Im not all Scrooge LOL) Anyways, it was actually really fun to share all the small things that makes me love Kamrin so much. I just wanted to share a few on here and go into a little more depth. Kamrin tells me constantly how beautiful I am. Even when my hair is not done, still in pjs, chasing kids around and have spit up on me from just feeding the baby. He gets up with the baby in the middle of the night too. He gets SO excited to show the kids new things. He gets up with the kids pretty much every morning so I can sleep in as much a possible. He is an amazing cook. He works so hard at a job he hates to provide for his family. He makes it possible for me to stay home with our kids because it is so important to him that they have their mommy raise them. He NEVER quits no matter how hard things gets. I could go on and on.

Now for the more in depth part. Kamrin and I have known each other for almost 9 years now. Wow that makes me feel old!! We have had a pretty big roller coaster ride in our relationship from the beginning. When we met we clicked right away and jumped into a relationship after only knowing each other a week. This is pretty crazy because Kamrin had never had a girlfriend before. He dated ALOT but never got into a real relationship. I must have been pretty special to change that in only a week :-) We spent everyday together. I was going through one of the hardest times in my life when I met him and he stood by me every step of the way. He saved me in so many ways. I struggled with major depression, an eating disorder and even suicide thoughts. I have never really shared this with people except my family and maybe a couple others. Im choosing to open up about it now because well its not who I am anymore and I want to have it written down on how special Kamrin really is and I feel comfortable doing it here since it is a private blog and I have chosen who can and cant read it. Anyways I was pretty messed up mentally back then and I had no desire to live at all. I felt like I was a nothing and how could anyone ever love someone as messed up as I was. Everyday was a new battle. I have such an amazing family who never gave up on me and who supported me through everything I went through. When Kamrin came along it was different. I felt so drawn to him. I opened up to him more then anyone I had ever done before. The only person who probably knew more about me at that point was my mom. With how hard I fought him Kamrin stuck by me through it all. I tried to get him to leave me cause I felt he deserved someone so much better. When he went on his mission we wrote each other for the first 9 months or so then we stopped. In those 9 months I was changing daily. I was so much stronger. I actually wanted to live. I stopped cutting, my eating disorder was fading and my suicide thoughts were completely gone. About a week and a half after he came home he came to my house and we talked for a couple hours. I shared all the changes in my life I had made. By the end we were at a point where it looked like we would go our separate ways but would always have a special place in our hearts for each other. Well that lasted a whole day :-) We once again were so drawn to each other and had a connection we couldnt ignore. Things for the next couple years were like a said a huge roller coaster. We then had Jaydan which only made the made the roller coaster bigger. When he was 5 and a half months old we got married. Without going into private details Ill just say it hasnt been easy. We never got the Newly wed face. We never got to know married life without a baby. Dont get me wrong I wouldnt change it for the world because that would mean not having my Jaydan. We have had many ups and downs in our relationship and marriage. Since then we have added 2 more kids to our family and honestly things couldnt be better. How we are getting there is personal but I have never felt so close and so in love with Kamrin. I fall in love with him more everyday. He has seen me literally at my very worst and never left. We have been through more in the last 9 years then most couples go through in 50+ years of being together. We are at a place that I KNOW no matter what comes our way we will be just fine.I KNOW that he loves me unconditionally because he has proved it time and time again. I know we will still have our struggles and life will throw us some curve balls but I KNOW that together we will face it and together we will make it through. Kamrin is truly my soul mate. I know he was meant just for me. Not many people would be strong enough to help someone through what he helped me through when we first met and for that I owe him my life. He has given me the 3 best gifts anyone could ever give me. I love him with every ounce of me. He is my everything! He is why I am here today! He is why I am healthy and happy! He is amazing!!!

Silly boy :-)

She was so excited she got to wear a dress

I know his Valentines "outfit" is pjs but I loved them and well babies can pass wearing pjs as outfits :-)

My 3 love bugs!

Mine and Kamrins presents from the kids

Our amazing cards

Their beautiful artwork. Priceless to this mommy!!

Birthdays And Family Fun

Tower of frosting

Maddies creation

On Sunday Feb 13th we have 2 family members birthdays. Its Kamrins sister Shaless' and my siter Kims birthday. We had our normal family dinner with Kamrins family and it landed on Kamrin and I's turn to host it so I decided to let Shaless pick what she wanted since it was her birthday after all. She chose tacos so I would make queso dip which is super yummy so good choice Shaless :-) After eating, having birthday cake and hanging out for a while everyone left and we headed to my brothers house for Kims birthday dinner. We didnt eat since we were still full but we did have the super yummy dessert. We also decorated Valentines cookies. We have started decorating cookies or cupcakes for most holidays with my family and its becoming one of my favorite tradtions. For 1 my sister Steph is the BEST baker around and her cupcakes, cakes, frosting and any dessert for that matter is absolutely amazing!! Im so glad I dont have her talent because I would eat way too much and make myself so sick on all those yummy desserts!! Plus being with family and making those great memories is what this life is all about. I truly have such an amazing bond with my family and my in laws and I feel so blessed to be a part of these amazing families. I hope that Shaless and Kim both had a very good birthday!! We love you both!!!

Have You Ever???

Have you ever felt that no matter what you do you will fail? Have you ever felt that everything is closing in on you all at once? Have you ever felt so overwhelmed you can barely breathe? This is some of how I have been feeling lately. After almost 3 months Im still trying to adjust to having 3 kids. My 2 older kids are still trying to adjust having a baby around and sharing mommys attention. Dont get me wrong the both absolutely adore and love their baby brother! They both just have their days where I can tell they need a little extra attention to remind them even though I have to take care of the baby more then they need help I still love them just the same. I try my hardest everyday to give them all the same amount of attention which can be hard because the older 2 are alot more independent and Kamdyn still needs me for everything which then brings on some guilt about me failing to show my older 2 all the attention they need. I feel so bad and I just wish I could divide myself in 3 pieces and give 1 piece to each child so they can have all the love and attention they need. I try my hardest to show them every single day how much I love them but sometimes I just dont feel thats enough. Feeling like you have failed your kids in any way really is the worst feeling a mom could have. I love being a stay at home mom so much. I love being the one to take care of them everyday and be in control of everything they do and dont do. I would hate leaving them everyday. That would be too hard for me. It would break my heart if they said their first words or took their first steps for someone else. At the same point I have these days where I question if I am really whats best for my kids. Wonder if they would be better off going to some kind of day care for a while each day. I sometimes feel like there is something I am doing wrong as a mom. I know all kids act up and test boundaries. My kids are no different. I actually think they are pretty good kids but of course they have their moments and even days where they test every single limit and act up as much as possible it seems. Maddie is my challenge. That little girl is a fire cracker! She can be one of the sweetest kids I have ever seen and shows so much love to others especially her family and then she gets her fuse lit and BAM! When I found out she was a girl I always feared I would have to watch Jay around her. Not because he was mean cause he is far from that. He is the sweetest little boy I have ever met! He can be quite wild though! I always feared he would hurt her on accident. Well since the time Maddie could crawl she has been the one I need to watch! Poor little Jay would get beat up by his little sister! Anyways I knew being a mom wouldnt be easy. I knew it wouldnt always be good times. I knew I would struggle along the way. I didnt know how hard it would be. After becoming a mom you are never the same. Thats not a bad thing it can just be a challenge you didnt expect. I think the lack of sleep really messes up your brain :-) Everything I do, I do for my kids. Everything I am is for my kids. I love them more then anything. They are my whole world. Thats why its so hard to think that I am failing them.

Kamdyn's Blessing Day

We had Kamdyn blessed on Sunday. Kamrins dad did the blessing for us. My brother Shawn did Jaydan and Madysons blessings so Kamrin wanted someone from his family this time which it felt right since Kamdyns middle name is Kamrins dads name. He gave Kamdyn a great blessing. After they all sat down our bishop got back up and said they had to do it again because apparently Kamrins dad didnt say what priesthood they all carry. I have never seen that happen before. Luckily they didnt have to do the entire blessing over cause Kamdyn was getting restless at that point. After the blessing and announcements was testimony meeting since it was fast Sunday. I kept thinking of going up but I get terrified in front of large crowds and so the more I thought about it the more I got sick to my stomach. My sister went up and when she got back down she told me if I wanted to go up she would hold the baby so I finally got the nerve up and went up. I really wanted to thank all my wonderful family for coming to support us on such a special day among other things. I was pretty emotional all that day. Im glad I got up though. After the meeting we had a brunch at my house with so much yummy food! We had breakfast casseroles, muffins, bagels and cream cheese and juices. Im so thankful to everyone who came to show their love and support! It means so much to us to have such a wonderful family who are there to share in special moments in ours and our kids' lives. I felt the whole day went great!

Kamdyn with his Hampa

My little stud

Kamdyn in his tux

My mom made the blanket and booties

I love this little guy!!

My Moms Birthday

My moms birthday is the day after Kamrins. We went to my grandmas house for a dinner with my whole family to celebrate with her. My sister made a YUMMY dinner! After dinner and YUMMY lemon cupcakes we all sat in the living room doing different exercises and having a GREAT time. I love my family so much. We always have such a great time when we are together. Happy Birthday mom!!

Having a blast with family

Suz "punching" Ty

Tyson using Maddie as weights. She laughed the whole time.

Kamrins Birthday

Kamrin took the whole week of his birthday off work to spend time together, get some projects done to get our house on the market and look for a new job. On his birthday I went to McDonalds to get his favorite breakfast sandwich the McGriddle. We spent a while at home together then I took the oldest 2 to the dentist for their 6 month check ups and Kamrin and the baby stayed here to get a couple things done. I was so happy when the dentist told me both kids are cavity free! Yay! On our way home from the dentist we stopped at Burger King to get Kamrin the new burger with jalapenos baked in the patty cause he wanted to try it really bad and also we stopped to get him a cake, ice cream and his favorite soda. The kids were fighting over what kind of cake to get him. Jaydan thought he would like a spiderman one and Maddie thought he would want a Hannah Montana one :-) I tried to explain that daddys dont need characters on their cakes but they just looked at me with this whatever look on their faces. Kamrin is hard to but a cake for with all the premade cakes and cupcakes stores make. He doesnt like buttercream frosting which is what all premade ones are made of! At the 2nd store I found 1 piece of cake that had the whipped frosting he likes so I got him that even though it was decorated for Valentines. I them got the kids a 2 pack of cupcakes with character rings and Kim and I a giant cupcake to share since she was going to watch my kids and would be there when we sang Happy Birthday to him. Complicated cake shopping huh!! At least the ice cream and vanilla coke shopping was easy! When we got home to surprise him with his treats and lunch I asked him what he wanted to do til our sitter got here. Being the wonderful daddy he is he wanted to bundle the kids up and take them to the park down the street to drive their power wheels for a while. The kids had such a blast and smiled the entire time! I drove down to keep the baby in the van so he was nice and warm. After we got home we had a dance party. We turned my ipod on and all danced around crazy. Once my sister got here Kamrin and I went shopping to find the babys blessing outfit and a few other places Kamrin wanted to go. We then went to Q4U a BBQ place that is YUMMY!! We both got stuffed! Then it was tine to go home and celebrate with the kids. They had decorated the wall with crepe paper for him. They were so excited to show him! After eating our random cake assortment it was time to put the kids to bed and just relax the rest of the evening. Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband!!

Playing in the ship waiting for the dentist

Jay had no cavities!

Neither did Maddie!

Following them in the van to the park

4wheeling in the mud

Driving to me

Keeping warm in the van

Having a blast!

Dancing!

My dancing queen!

Enjoying his BBQ

The wall the kids decorated for their daddy

Eating super sour candy :-)

Our random desserts for his birthday!