Madysons 4 Year Pictures

Maddie was born to be in pictures! She loves being in front of the camera and they always turn out so beautiful!

Showing how old she is

Being silly

Kamdyns 1 Year Pictures

Kamdyn is at the stage where he does not want his picture taken but of course Hollie pulled it off and still got some way cute shots in between tears and tantrums :-)

My New Obsession

When Maddie was a baby I made some flower clips with my friend that lived here at the time. It was really fun but never got too into it at the time. When we went to get my new nieces and my younger 2 kids pics done I took all my bows for Pashell to use for Erilyn and it got me to go through them and get rid of a bunch. Then the thought came to me that I was missing alot of colors and now that I will have 2 little girls I need every color possible and at least 2 of each color. I mean what if they happen to wear the same color on some days. Good way to justify it huh :-) Anyways I messaged my sister and talked to her about teaching me again how to make some so I can design my own and have fun while doing it. Lets be honest it gets boring not being able to do much in fears I will put the baby in danger and make the placenta seperate more. So she agreed she would meet me at my other sisters house and bring all her supplies and teach me and let me use her stuff. She is super awesome huh! Well my kids were getting wild and Kamdyn decided he needed diaper change after diaper change so I was down to my last so she tokd me I could just take all her stuff home and make more there. Im so addicted now!! I have so much fun making them! I just wanna make them all the time. Here is some of my creations.

Fire Station Field Trip

Yesterday was the preschool field trip to the fire station. Jaydan is off track so lucky him got to join in the fun and learning. The guy who did the first part of the tour was great! He had the kids call him Grandpa John and he was so cute with them. We sat in their "living room" and he talked to the kids about the difference between tools and toys, fire safety and reasons to call 911. After he was done he showed us the kitchen and brought our that station dog. The kids loved this part! We have never been to one that had a dog so this was awesome for them. They each got to throw the ball to Bandit the dog. Then it was off to see the fire truck and all it does. It was lots of fun and the kids learned alot.

Bandit the fire station dog

The class with the super nice firemen

Baby Update

I found out the placenta is still separated but it has started to reattach itself. Im happy about that. Wish it was all the way reattached but Ill take it. One bad thing is Makynlie is not a happy camper. She barley passed the stress test. She showed many signs of stress. I got put on medication to help boost her and today got checked again and she had a slightly higher heart rate. Again I wished for more but Ill take a slight improvement over no improvement or getting worse. I feel so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life who are helping in this really hard time. Next full stress test and ultrasound is Friday.

17 Weeks 5 Days

How far along? 17 Weeks 5 Days
Total weight gain: Lost 18 pounds in the beginning and have only gained about 3 pounds back
Maternity clothes? Not really. Sometimes I wear maternity shirts for length
Stretch marks? No more than the ones I got from the other 3
Sleep: Depends on the night
Best moment this week: Looking at all the cute girl stuff we have :-)
Miss Anything? Pumpkin!!!!
Movement: Sometimes
Food cravings: Grilled cheese sandwiches and salad!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Pumpkin :-( Certain smells
Gender: GIRL!!
Labor Signs: Contractions and placenta separating :-(
Symptoms: Uncomforable, growing and nausea sometimes
Belly Button in or out? Out. Mine pokes out before my baby bump even starts
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody the last week or so
Looking forward to: Baby becoming more stable hopefully!

A Mothers Fear

Thursday morning I woke up to some bleeding and cramping. One of the worst feelings and sights for a pregnant woman. I called my doctor and his nurse called back saying he was in surgery all day but said I needed to be seen so she set me up with one of his partners. When I went in I was shaking so bad. I have been through many miscarriages but being 17 weeks along and knowing what she is already it brought on a whole new fear in me. It seemed like an eternity for him to come in the room. He got all the info about the pain and such and had me get ready for an exam. He came in with a nurse and tried to find the heart. After what felt like an eternity once again there was still no sign or her heart. I lost it! Started bawling so hard! He then said I needed to get an ultrasound to see what was going on. After a while he just did an ultrasound with their portable ultrasound machine since the techs were too busy and he knew I was minutes away from a complete break down. There she was my little girl but she seemed different. Not her normal active self. She didnt move much at all which in the 100 ultrasounds we have had so far with her she was NEVER still! I was so sick to my stomach. He told me her heart was lower then they like. He then talked to me about what he felt was going on. He said he feared the placenta was separating from my uterus and causing her stress. He said he wanted me to get a real ultrasound since their portable ones arent very clear for something like that. They were of course booked the next day but since it was an emergency got me in anyways. I walked out to the car and lost it!! I had been texting Kamrin while I was in there so he knew most of what was going on but I called him to let him know what he thought it was. I could hardly get words out. I was a mess to say the least. That night my brother and brother in law came to give me a blessing and through the whole prayer I was just waiting for the words to come out of his mouth that she would be okay. They never came :-( I know thats not how it works but I was so hoping. I know its in Gods hands and he has a plan but I was just so hoping this baby was still meant to be with us on this earth. That night was horrible. I even took 2 sleeping pills but just tossed and turned all night. Every time I would get in a deep sleep I would dream she didnt make it and awake bawling. No matter what they told us at the ultrasound she is and always will be our baby girl, our caboose in our family train and so we had decided she needed a name set. We decided she is Makynlie Ashlyn Hammond. Ashlyn is half after me and half after my mom. Waiting in the waiting room for the ultrasound was HORRIBLE. I was shaking and so sick to my stomach. She was not as active during this one again. Her heart was still low but had improved some from the day before. All the tech could tell me was there was a small separation between the placenta and uterus and my doc would call me to tell me everything I needed to know. He called a while later and said I was to be on bed rest and go back to get rechecked on Monday. He then told me what we could be facing. He said its pretty rare it separates this early in pregnancy. He then said what I had feared all along. He said if it continued to separate they would have no choice but to take her and at this stage there would be no chance she could survive. On a more positive note there is a chance it can reattach or heal itself and all will be well. Also it could stay the same which would mean bed rest until further notice. That seems impossible with 3 young kids. We will do what we need to do for our kids. All of them which includes little Makynlie. I am very nervous once again for tomorrow. I just hope all our prayers and me not lifting and resting all weekend helped her and her heart is back to its normal 160 range. I have been trying so hard to stay strong for her so I dont stress her little body out more but its very hard not to just lose it. This is one of the hardest things I have had to face. I just want our little caboose to be able to come and live with our crazy little family. She is so loved and wanted!!!!!

This is the best profile they could get. They couldnt get any face shots. She was hiding in my side.

Kamrin

This May it will mark 10 years since Kamrin and I met. In those 10 years we have been on a pretty wild roller coaster ride. Some really high highs and some really low lows with lots of turns and twists. We have been through more together the last 10 years then most go through with their love in 50+ years. He has truly seen me at my very worst and never left my side. He picked me up millions of times when we first met and never walked away from me in my darkest times. He saved my life numerous times in so many ways. Lately I have been thinking alot about us in general and thats where this post came from. I wanted to write some of my thoughts and feelings down so I could look back and remember them. Kamrin is such an amazing man. He of course isnt perfect and has his flaws but dont we all. I just want to focus on the positive from the last 10 years and what I have learned about this amazing person. He is one of the most spiritual people I have ever met. When he talks about his testimony and knowledge of the church he just glows. He is so passionate about it. I hope he passes some of that down to our kids. He is one of the hardest workers I know. He will and does do anything to provide for me and the kids. Even if he dreads going to work he never complains about it. When we first got married we talked about if I would work in or out of the home and he told me he wanted me to stay home with the kids more then anything and it was very important to him. He then told me he would do anything and everything to make that possible and he really does. Sure we might not have all the material stuff we could if I worked but my kids have me 24/7 and thats more important to us then any material item we could buy them. Kamrin is so handy in every way. He is the go to guy with our families. If anyone needs help they call him and he goes and does it no questions asked. He is a great dad. He teaches them so much more then I ever could. The second the door starts rattling each night the kids come running to the door and wont let him out of their sight for a while. He is a great husband. He loves me and tries to show me how much in different ways everyday. He sends me to the store or to our room to get some me time if he can tell I have had a frustrating day. He works on himself daily and tries to be a better dad and husband constantly. I have new favorite song right now that makes me think of Kamrin and what we have been through together. Its Blake Sheltons song called God Gave Me You and here are the lyrics that stick out most to me-

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you

On my own I'm only
Half of what I could be
I can't do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

Like I said he is far from perfect and we have a far from perfect relationship but I know for a fact we love each other more then anyone will ever know and I also know Kamrin was put in my life when he was to save me in so many different ways. I am so thankful for this man and so thankful for how far we have come in the last 10 years and so excited to see what the next 10 years brings us! I love you Kamrin!!!!

Ending 2011 Beginning 2012

Our New Years Eve was pretty low key this year. We went to breakfast with Kamrins family and spent the rest of the day cleaning and hanging out at home. Around 630 Kamrins sister and her husband came over to hang out. We ate lots of food, guys played games and us girls laid on the couches watching a movie. Shaless and I are both pregnant so staying up til midnight was TORTURE! I looked at the clock at 1030 and it seriously felt like 3am! We did it though. We made it to midnight. Watched the countdown, kissed our hubbys and then time to clean up our goodies so we could go to bed. Shaless got to see first hand what a clumsy girl I am especially when Im exhausted. I was putting the Chinese food in the fridge and I dropped Jareds Kung Pao Chicken so I took it to the counter to wipe the container off and as Im wiping the last little bit the container went flying all over the place towards poor Shaless. I couldnt stop laughing. I dont think we were meant to eat those leftovers :-) After we got it all cleaned up I realized I should have taken pictures to show you all how bad it really was! I didnt take any pictures that night at all! Im a serious slacker! It was a fun night besides the tiredness and ended on an entertaining night!

2011 was quite a year. Cant really label it as good or bad cause it had both types of moments. We had tough times and lots to celebrate. One of the biggest events was the pregnancy of Kamrins 2 sisters and I. His parents are on grandparent cloud 9 :-) Mine was the biggest surprise for sure. We expected Pashells for sure. Thought it might be coming soon with Shaless but mine was a bit different. We also had our first kindergatener, went back to church, a 1st birthday and found out our family would be completed with a baby girl! We also celebrated the big 5 years of marriage.

2012 will be just as eventful Im sure. Each year goes by faster and faster. I cant wait to meet this little girl. Its a weird thought thinking of once she is born I will never be pregnant again. Im excited for the next chapter for us though after all the baby chapters :-)

Hope you all have a great 2012!!