The other night I was laying in bed and of course thats when my mind starts racing 90mph. All the sudden it hit me that I had ZERO pictures of all 4 of my kids together and Brynlee is over 3 months old!! Can you say SLACKER?!? So yesterday I got really braved and put them all in some green clothes and and the fun begun. First Maddie wouldnt get in the pics cause I let Jay hold the baby first so I took some of just the boys and Brynlee. So then she got in and then Kamdyn only lasted for a whole 2 seconds. I took some of them by themselves and Kamdyn was crying the whole time. Taking pictures of 4 kids 6 years and younger is IMPOSSIBLE! Sigh
Sunday, September 23, 2012
I have wanted to post about this for a while so I can remember it and have it documented but kept forgetting. It got brought up again last week so finally here it is. I know everyone has different beliefs as far as mediums go. I for one am a believer to an extent. I do believe babies and kids can see and feel things that we cant and also even some adults can communicate and feel things from the other side. I have seen many times different babies react to pictures of Jesus. I have seen some in their dying days talk to spirits of people who passed many years ago and I have also felt a strong presence of spirits when I gave birth to all my babies and also when I was there when 2 loved ones passed away. With that said I have had a few experiences with my kids that really gave me goosebumps. Rewind to Jan 2007 and Kamrin and I were married a month and a half and Jaydan was 7 months old. I got really sick and was in more pain then I had ever been in and thats saying alot since I had just had a baby 7 months earlier. After going to the doc and being sent to the hospital I was told I would be going into surgery to remove my appendix. The first thing they always ask women is if there was a chance you could be pregnant. I said no and they said they were going to do a test just in case. Just as I thought the test came back negative. A week and a half later I discovered I was late so I took a test and surprise it was positive. Only a couple days later I lost that baby. Only a month or 2 later I became pregnant with Madyson. The last 2-3 years Maddie has been OBSESSED with my scars from my surgery. She would always ask to see them and she would just feel them all the time. One day she asked to see them and started rubbing them and as innocent as could be she said thats from when I was in your belly and died. I explained to her that I wasnt pregnant with her yet when I had my surgery and she said "Yes you were mom and then I died because of the surgery and then I got to come back in your belly later" WOW I got crazy chills!! We have never told the kids I was pregnant when I had the surgery or that I had lost a baby a couple weeks after so for her to know that and say that it was her and she came back later was WOW!! She still to this day is obsessed with my scars and will just stare at them. We have also had experiences of my kids saying they have seen spirits in our basement. Its so crazy how thin the veil can be sometimes!!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
On Monday Maddie had her 1st day of a new preschool. This year we put her in a preschool in a local elementary to prepare her for kindergarten. She has gone the last 2 years to my aunts preschool so we wanted to get her in a real school atmosphere and not with family so she could get used to it. She has been so excited to start since Jay started school. The first day she was excited but nervous. I was so proud of her she didnt even cry when I dropped her off.
|She recently caught the Bieber fever :-)|
|She is getting SO big!!|
Monday, September 17, 2012
Oh baby girl this month has been SO much better!! Things with you have been improving by the day! You are such a different baby this last month. You cry 1/3 or less the time then you did and most of the time its just normal baby cry instead of the screaming til you turn purple kind of cry. You are CHUBBY!! I love every single roll :-) You are an AWESOME sleeper now. I put you to bed around 830pm and you sleep until 5-6 and even then all I have to do is let you know Im there and once you feel me you go instantly back to sleep until7-8!! During the day you still sleep majority of the time still also. You are only awake here and there for short amounts of time and you are ready for a nap again. You HATE HATE HATE the car!! Every time the car stops at all you cry. You even cry when we are moving alot of the time. You freak out the whole time and once I open the door and you see me knowing the car ride is over you calm right down. Your giant belly button is not so giant anymore. Its amazing how much it has gone down in just a months time. Your little personality is shining through more and more each day. You smile ALOT. You coo ALOT. You try so hard to tell us all kinds of stories constantly. You have tried a couple times to giggle but it hasnt quite worked out yet. You are a HUGE mommys girl. There are times you are crying like crazy when others are holding you and they try everything to calm you down and the second mommy takes you, you stop crying instantly. Daddy is jealous. He always tells you he is going to win you over someday :-) He can gets huge smiles out of you and you love just staring at him but when it comes to calming you down mommy is the only person you want. I love it! Your brothers and sister still adore you to pieces. Kamdyn gives you so much attention and loves these days. He calls you baby girl. Its the cutest thing ever to hear him talk to you. We all love you so much and you are the perfect caboose for our family. I cant wait to see how you grow this next month.I love you baby girl!
|You love napping tight next to me|
|You tried the bumbo for the first time this month|
|You LOVE your hands|
|Haing a stare down with your bug friend :-)|
|Look how much your belly button has gone down!|
|3 months old today!!!|
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
We have made a tradition with Kamrins family that we go to the zoo at the end of the summer. We went this last Sat. We usually go to breakfast first but decided to go to the zoo first then lunch to beat the crowd and so we werent in the heat as long. It was so fun! This was Kamdyns first time knowing what was really going on and he LOVED every second of it. He loves animals so to see them in person was awesome to him. We all enjoyed the new Rocky Shores exhibit. We decided not to go to lunch with everyone else because we wanted to make an appearance at Kamrins work party. It was at the Draper park and they went all out. They had a mechanical bull there. They had YUMMY pulled pork and a bunch of other food. They did a cotton candy and slush machines. They also had tons of coolers full of drinks and different icecream treats. It was so fun for the kids too with it being at the park. Cardwell really knows how to throw a party!! We then came home and watched the rest of the BYU game. It was such a fun day!!!
We had a great Labor Day this year. The 3 older kids slept the night at Kamrins parents so Kamrin, Brynlee and I had a lazy morning. We went and picked up the kids and went to lunch at his grandmas house. After a yummy lunch and hanging out for a while we went to Kamrins parents while the guys cleaned out the garage and put a piece on the roof. We went to Kamrins sisters to swim and ate pizza for dinner. It was all so fun!
|Look at those GORGEOUS eyes!!|
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Kamrins younger brother Landis received his mission call last Wed. We all met at his parents house at 830pm that night to open it all together. When I picked Jay up from school that day I told him about Landis getting his call. When we pulled in the driveway I started getting the kids out and I noticed Jay had his face buried and and wouldnt get out. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he loved uncle Landis and didnt want him to go. It was so sweet and yes, it made me cry also. He had a tough time the rest of the day and cried a few more times when he would think about it. He is such a sweetheart. So the moment finally came. Landis was called to serve in the Lubbock, Texas mission. He enters the MTC on Nov 7th. We are SO proud of Landis. He is going to be such an amazing missionary!!
I have suffered from depression for pretty much my entire life. I have been on and off meds for it since I was a preteen. You would think after all these years I would be used it it or know how to handle it but thats not the case. Dont get me wrong through the years I have learned different things to ease it but when your in that dark place its hard to pull yourself out of it. On top of my normal depression issues I get HORRIBLE postpartum depression. I feel it has gotten worse with each baby. I have gotten really good at putting in my happy face in front of those but when Im home and just my family here Im a huge mess quite a bit. I feel so overwhelmed all the time. I feel like a failure as a mom and a wife constantly. I have a hard time staying focused. I carry alot of guilt. I feel angry. I feel bitter. I hate that I feel all these things. I know how incredibly lucky I am so why am I in such a dark place??? I have such an amazing a supportive family. I have a husband who does so much for me and our kids and tries his hardest to do right for us and improve our lives. I have 4 amazing kids that mean everything to me. My life is far from perfect and I face alot of trails just like everyone else but I am so very blessed. My biggest fear is my depression will get in the way of me being able to enjoy my kids' childhoods like I want to. They are growing and changing so fast and I dont want to miss things because Im feeling down or out of it because of emotions. I am aware I will probably always battle this but I do pray I can learn to cope better and make it as mild as possible.