Thursday, December 17, 2009
Flood Of Emotions
I cant imagine my life without these 2 little angels of mine. I cant imagine how I would go on if anything were to happen to either of them.
Last night I was on Facebook and was on one of my friends pages and there was an obituary for her 4 month old niece. I started reading it (big mistake) and it broke my heart! Those poor parents! That poor family! After reading into it more I saw that she died from a rare nueromuscular disease which was also the same thing that my uncle and his wife lost their baby to last October. Losing Kael was so hard on my family. Seeing how much this little angel touched all our lives in the 6 short months he was here still amazes me. He had such a special spirit about him. Holding him was like you were holding an angel. I cant describe it in any other way then that. Reading my friends statuses about her niece just broke my heart into pieces. One of her statues had a link to her sisters blog. Another big mistake but I went to read it. Reading the words she has wrote the last couple days since her baby passed away made me cry, cry and cry some more. I have never met her but I know 2 of her sisters and knew another sister that passed away years ago and also knew her mom. Kamrin actually worked with her mom and she even attended our wedding. Even though I have never met the mom that just lost her baby my heart breaks for her. I know its just part of life but when I hear of parents losing their children no matter there age I just think to myself how unfair it is. Children are supposed to out live their parents. Losing a loved one is so hard but to lose a child you created, loved and took care of has got to be the worst kind of lose you could ever go through. I have had miscarriages and they were so hard. I felt so empty for a long time and still to this day think of what my baby would have been like. I wish I could have seen their face and held them. So to take the pain and emptiness I felt losing a baby I never saw, held or felt and times it by 1000 for those parents who have lost children that have seen, held and took care of. I cant imagine that kind of pain. Im not sure why this has hit me so hard but it has. Even writing this post I have been crying the entire time. I dont know if its just bringing up the emotions of seeing what my family has gone through losing Kael or maybe just as a mom I think of my own kids and how lost I would be without them. This time last year Jaydan had a tumor in his cheek that we werent sure if it was cancerous or not and that was the worst 2 months of my life. Looking at him and thinking the what ifs, crushed me. Luckily things worked out on our side that time so my heart goes out to those who have a different outcome. Time is flying by us and we never know what next month, next week, tomorrow or even the next hour will bring so I have decided I want to soak up every single minute I have with my kids. I want to kiss them more, hug them tighter and hold them for as long as they will let me. I want to focus on all the joy they bring me and not how naughty they are being. Dont worry I was still discipline them :-) Anyways since last night I was being flooded with emotions about this subject and I wanted to express them somehow. I am thankful for my kids every second of everyday! Im so grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the opportunity to be the mom to these 2 amazing children. I love them with all my heart and soul! I will love them unconditionally FOREVER!